Times Like These..

… It’s times like these you learn to live again
It’s times like these you give and give again
It’s times like these you learn to love again
It’s times like these time and time again

Foo Fighters – Times Like These

Music brings all of us together. It does not matter the genre you listen to or who your favorite artist may be. It is the one language we can all speak – together. It is one of the few things that ties us together regardless of gender, race, or sexual preference. 

This week watching the performances from the Taylor Hawkins Tribute, I was reminded of this fact again. I laughed, cried, danced and sang along. It was heartbreaking and joyful at the same time. Then again many of the best moments of my life have those same elements. 

When I worked at the agency I would go to see multiple shows weekly, sometimes nightly. Sometimes they felt like work, most times I just felt lucky I was able to get into the show. A few years into working at the agency I was lucky enough to sit next to the agent that repped the Foo Fighters. And even luckier that he would invite me to shows. I was able to see them at arenas as well as theaters. I have two favorite memories of Taylor.  The first occurred one winter break when I could not afford to go anywhere and my family was not around. I was feeling alone and depressed. I received a text from the agent. 

“Hey, you in town?” It read. 

I thought he was going to ask me to go into the office and get something for him. I was hesitant to answer. Plus, I was feeling like a total loser being alone during the holidays and having no plans. Still.

“Yes, what’s up?” I answered. 

“Steel Pony, three hours in the valley. Your name is on the list. See you there.” He replied. 

I didn’t know what the Steel Pony was, let alone where it was located. But the agent repped some of my favorite folks – Pearl Jam, Beastie Boys, and Maxwell in addition to the Foo Fighters. So even though it was raining and I was flying solo, I headed to the Steel Pony. When I arrived the line was out of the parking lot and down and around two blocks. It was not a big club. I walked past the line and into the parking lot. I saw the agent. He was talking to the Fire Chief. He saw me. Grabbed my arm and pushed me inside while listening to the fireman tell them they were at capacity. 

The place was packed. I had been pushed through a side door directly next to the stage. I had been pushed into someone when I came through the door. It was Taylor Hawkins. He smiled. I apologized. He tipped his glass and walked on to the stage. It was then I saw Dave Grohl and realized I was at a Foo Fighters show. For three hours they played a bit of everything. I danced, laughed, and sweat the night away. I no longer felt depressed or alone. I was with my music family and we were all rejoicing. It is still one of my favorite memories. 

The second occurred a few years later. I was invited to a friends and family show at the Forum. I didn’t feel like going. I was tired. I had been traveling. I was feeling burned out. I will be honest and tell you I don’t even remember who I was seeing. But I remember thinking, someone else would be so excited about this show. Go, you never know what can happen.  I arrived at the forum. Checked in, grabbed a drink and headed to my seat. In front of me were a bunch of guys that were having the time of their lives. I was sitting with other agents and we were all on our phones not paying attention to anything but work. But I remember thinking I wish I was part of the group in front of us. It was then I recognized Taylor Hawkins in that row. I remember watching him and his friends more than the show because they were so into it. They were having the best time. Here was a guy who had toured all over the world and tonight he was just a fan like everyone else in the place. It reminded me of the power of music.  

Working in the music business can be tough. You can be surrounded by the darkest parts of humanity, but you are also surrounded by such unimaginable light. Every time I have thought of doing something else, someone sends me a song. Sometimes the song is by artists I know. Many times it is by someone I have never heard of before. The one thing they have in common is that they always remind me why I love this business. They lift my mood and my spirit like nothing else does.

If you are having a bad day, put on that album that brings back that memory. I have sat on a couch and listened to an entire album and ended up in conversations with total strangers about the music. I have woken up crying, put on an album and had a private dance party. I have sat in a parked car staring at nothing listening to a voice note that an artist has sent me. The one thing that all of these moments have in common is the music. I hope that today you take a moment and listen to your sound, whatever flavor that may be. I hope that it brings a smile to your face and makes your soul soar. We all need that now more than ever. 

***Side note: I have seen some of the negative comments about the benefit. I haven’t read much of them because the second I see that they are criticizing such an amazing moment, I want to throw something. We have become a society that can find fault in everything, including an event that brought generations and genres  together to celebrate a life that touched so many. It is heartbreaking. So I refuse. I refuse to fall into the trap about what was wrong with the show and rejoice in what was so right about it. I hope you are dancing and laughing above Taylor, because you made all of us remember what was right in this world. 

Life Lessons from Grams

April 18 was the Yahrzeit of my grandmother. For you non-Jews, April 18 is the anniversary of my grandmother’s death.. She was 93 when she passed. I miss her every day.  I know I am lucky that I had her in my life for as long as I did. But it does not stop the tears from flowing or the ache in my heart.

She was one of the most amazing women I have ever met. She did the New York Times Crossword daily, worked  out on a regular basis and had an active social life. I loved chatting with her about her life. Not only did I learn something new about her but I almost always got a good life lesson. The following is one of those amazing conversations. If you know me personally, you may have already heard this one. 

One day I decided to ask her about how she got engaged. I knew the story of how my grandparents had met in Minneapolis at a party right after my grandfather had left the airforce.  They told the same story. 

My grandfather had seen my grandmother from across the room, walked immediately up to her and said, “You look tired, you should go home.” 

Yep, you read that right. He insulted her and he married her soon after. I have always wondered how they went from that exchange to getting engaged. The story my Grandmother told me not only gave me a massive laugh but came with three life lessons that I am still trying to live by.

“Well, I was dating this fella,” my grandmother started the story.

“Not grandpa?” I asked.

“No, not grandpa. Anyway, I was dating this fella and no one liked him. So my family sent me to my Aunt and Uncle in Upstate New York where I met another fella and I got engaged.”

“Not grandpa?” I asked again. This is the first time I have heard about any other fella, let alone two or another engagement. 

“NO, NOT GRANDPA! Keep up with me Mara, you asked for this story. Anyway, I came back to Minneapolis to pack up myself and get ready to move to New York and get married. And while I was home, you know I went to that party and met your grandfather,” she responds.

“So then you broke up with the guy from New York,” I said.

“No, I went out on my first date with your grandfather,” she said. I think my jaw dropped. This was the Forties. I had always assumed folks were more conservative back in the day. 

“Were you wearing a ring?” I ask, still trying to understand.

“Yes,” she responded. As I sat dumbfounded by the fact that my grandmother was a bit of a floozy and obviously a badass even when she was young. She continued her story. 

“On our first date, your grandfather laid it out for me. He told me all about what he was going to do for a living, he showed me where he wanted to live. He told me how many children he wanted. When and where he wanted to retire,” she stated.

“Wow. Wasn’t that a bit heavy for a first date?” I ask. Although I was still having an issue wrapping my head around her dating my grandfather while promised to someone else, I was also surprised my grandfather said so much and on a FIRST date.

“Yes, it was but here is the problem with your generation,” she responded. 

And right about now she starts spouting her worldly wisdom. 

“You all don’t see potential. You think about right now. You need to be thinking about the future and where you want to be,” she said.

Now, you may think this is strange that she would say this during a story about her engagement. But this is NOT the first time she has shared this bit of wisdom. She had said this to me about dating on numerous occasions. She was not wrong. Think about the guys you “LIKED” in high school. Would you date them now? Nope, me neither. 

“Ok, so THEN you broke up with the fella from New York and started dating grandpa?” I asked.

“No, then I went out with your grandfather for a couple of weeks. And when the fella from New York came to pick me up, I told your grandfather to skedaddle,” she replied.

And for the second time during this story, she blew my mind. My grandfather was a fighter pilot, a real estate developer and the first entrepreneur I had ever met. He was also one of the most intimidating men ever created. The kind you never ever want to upset. He was the definition of an alpha male. I just didn’t see him skedaddling for anyone. Apparently, for her he skedaddled.

“Well, after the fella was here for a few days I realized I liked your grandfather more so I told him to skedaddle and I called your grandfather,” she continued.

“Ok, so then you dated for like a year? And then got engaged?” I asked.

“No. You sound like your grandfather now. That is what he said. That we would date for a year. Then get engaged. Then married. And I told him, we would be married in the next 6 months or I would find myself another fella,” she stated.

“Grams, you were not even 19 years old, why were you in such an all-fire hurry to get married?” I asked.

And here is the second piece of wisdom. Get ready for it.

“Well, I’ll tell you. By that time, I had tried working. Realized it wasn’t for me. And made alternative plans,” she replied. 

Yep, she had tried working and realized it wasn’t for her. It might be one of my favorite things I have ever heard anyone say. And really, wouldn’t we all like to make that statement?

I did ask what she had done for living that made her feel that way. She had worked for the phone company. She would have told you they were the best employers. And she had worked for Dayton Hudson, a retailer in Minneapolis. She had said they were very good as well. She just realized that it was not for her. She did not want to work for anyone else.

That’s not to say my grandmother did not work. She raised a family. Three successful kids and had a marriage that lasted almost 50 years and only ended with my grandfather’s death. All of that takes work.

After she finished telling me this story I asked her if she ever wanted to get married again after my grandfather’s death. He died a little over 20 years ago. She was emphatic in her answer as she was about most things in her life.

“No! Why would I? I was raised in a house of five women. We never needed a man, even if others thought we did. I loved your grandfather but I am just fine without another man. And I already took care of one sick man, at this age that would be what I am dealing with,” she answered. 

Can’t say that I blame her logic. I didn’t like the idea that she was alone. Then again she rarely was with all the family and friends who were around her. And she always seemed happy which is more than most folks can ask.

And per usual talking to my grandmother taught me three life lessons:

1.     Potential. Look for the possibilities, not just what is in front of you.

2.     If it’s not for you, DON’T DO IT! Find what is for you and then go for it.

3.     Stick to what makes you happy, not what others think you should do.

One last thing, as I get older I realize how absolutely blessed I was to have had my grandmother as long as I did. That I was able to ask the questions and receive answers. We spend so much time these days finding our answers through Google, Wikipedia and our phones that we forget to connect to the people around us. To the people we know and love. So I guess there is one last lesson – turn off the tech and turn to the person next to you. I guarantee you won’t be disappointed. 


Change is hard. Actually now that I think about it  – FEAR is harder. Fear of Change. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the known. Fear of abandonment. Fear is debilitating for me. Fear makes me spin out of control and stops me in my tracks all at the same time. 

I have wanted to move out of my apartment for over 5 years. And yet, I have not moved. What is stopping me? Fear. I fear rejection. I fear there is nothing I can afford that I will like. I fear that I won’t get the house. I fear that I will pick the wrong neighborhood. I fear that I will pick the wrong building. I fear that I will get it and not be able to afford it. In the end that fear has kept me in an apartment I do not like and have outgrown.

I need a new car. Everyone has said now is not the time to buy. I should have bought during the pandemic. But the fear of not having a job stopped me. The fear of not being approved for the loan stopped me. The fear of choosing the wrong make, wrong car, wrong seller. In the end that fear has kept me using Uber and Lyft and watching my savings dwindle.

I don’t love my job. I am so thankful for it. It pays well. I work remotely. There are so many things to love about it. Unfortunately, I don’t like the actual job or my boss as a boss. But I fear losing it through something I did. Or something I did not do. I fear the company not being able to afford me. I fear being rejected. I fear being told I am too old, too fat, or too experienced to get the position I want. I fear not being able to find a job that pays me what I am already making and more.  In the end, I may stay too long at my current job and then be forced out instead of choosing to leave. This has happened before.

I want a community. My biggest fear is being alone. This is a fear that I find stranger than most as I didn’t have it until I became an adult. When I was a kid it was my monther’s biggest fear. So much so that she stayed in relationships that never should have started and she married men that she was not happy to be with.

As a kid I could not understand her fear of being alone. I wanted to have my own house. To live alone. To not have anyone care if I ate after 8 pm or slept until noon. As an adult, I wish there was someone who cared. Someone who wanted to know that I made it home ok. That I am eating correctly. Someone to talk to about the bad and the good days. Someone to celebrate and someone to grieve with me. Someone to encourage, challenge and love me. I fear that I will never find that someone and yet, am I really looking? 

I fear that fear is going to stop me from living the life I crave and deserve. It already has. The question now is, how do I stop fear?

Roller Coasters

It was my grandmother’s birthday on Monday. She died in April. It feels weird to “celebrate” her life when she is no longer alive. It feels stranger to not acknowledge it at all. I spent some of the day crying and some of the day laughing thinking about her. A friend asked what was the one thing I wished I could have that I didn’t have on her birthday besides her. I said, I wished I could send her flowers again this year. Last year she kept forgetting that she had already thanked me and called me three times. I want that back. I thought about posting the story of her engagement. It is my favorite story of the many she told me. But it needs to be edited and it was too painful for me to do on Monday. 

Wednesday I had a great business meeting. It gave me a huge high. It made me feel like she was watching from above and cheering me on. I felt like I could rule the world. I was ready to take on any new challenges. I felt her spirit and love of life surrounding me. 

Thursday I couldn’t get out of bed. I couldn’t sleep until it was time to get up. I didn’t feel like getting dressed. I forced myself to make a cup of coffee. To make a list for what I wanted to get done. Then a list for what I needed to get done. I worked on creating connections. I did another business call that went ok. I cried. I didn’t laugh. 

Friday is my birthday. I have plans for dinner with my sister but I haven’t really talked about it with anyone else. A couple of friends have asked, I’ve responded but not with any real enthusiasm. I love other people’s birthdays. I think it is a day that everyone should be celebrated. I plan things for many of them. And yet on mine, I feel sort of blasé. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about the celebration of life. Not surprising with so much death in my life this year. Not surprising with my birthday coming up. I have come to the following conclusion. 

Life is like roller coasters. Big climbs. Jerks around many corners. And scary drops. But if your smart, you raise your hands in the air and scream and laugh through them all because it’s the best damn ride in the park. 

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